I'm Still Number One
by Thekuroshitsujilover
Summary: Near knew about it. He knows where Mello goes every night - who he's with. It breaks Near, Mello doesn't find fault. Near's leaving - can Mello stop him? He loves Matt - But He loves me more, and so I'm still Number one. NearxMello Angst, NxMxM Oneshot, Jerk Mello twisted Near.


A click resounded in the chilly room, and a leather-clad man in his twenties stepped in. Like a routine, he removed the first layer of his outfit and dropped it just beside the bed, and proceeded to putting out a collection of his guns kept in different sections of his being and scattered them in the nearest table. Another body thrashed beneath the sheets, and a pair of Obsidian eyes peeked between the ruffles. It remained cold since no sun could be seen from afar and the continuous thumping of boots around the area kept the groggy male awake.

"Mello?" The younger asked in hesitation, and you could see the messy waves of white fall on his temples. Mello throws the keys on the sofa and suddenly plumps down on the cushions, exhaling a big sigh of exhaustion mixed with relief.

"Hm?" Said blonde man remembered to respond, but closed his eyes and almost dozed off to a dreamless sleep when he felt frost-bitten hands wrap his torso.

"I missed you." Though he didn't say anything in return, An albino smiled inwardly and held tighter onto his lover, savoring the fragrance of chocolate, leather, and cigarettes.

"Do you smoke?" Of course he doesn't, Near knew that well. Uncommon for a mafia leader who stays most of the time in the dark streets owned by gangs, but Mello is loyal to his only addiction you could say. And as the person he is, even impulsive, he hates hassle or anything that can affect his health and physical interior, not like chocolate doesn't. The thought of having nicotine stain his teeth disgusts him enough, or so he says.

"You know the answer to that. It just sticks to you when you hang out with those kind of people every time." He takes a strand of silky hair and rubs it between his gloved fingers. Near nods slowly and plants a kiss on the scarred part of his face, and he could almost certain Mello flinched.

"Yeah. You don't like that? It should be completely healed by now." He runs a fingertip on the rough surface, actually pretty turned on by the sight. Mello narrows his cerulean eyes and tries to stop the disturbing gesture, but Near doesn't care a bit, and both knew they probably don't mind it all.

"No. It just feels numb." Right after the statement, the sweet-addict attacked his companions lips, and bit his bottom lip roughly. Near doesn't seem to be so moved by it, and so he tightens the gap that allows Mello's appendage to enter. His temper started rising, and he ravished the pinkish-pale lips further until bruised. Near whimpered in pain, and he then replaced the passionate kisses with feather like ones as apology.

The younger genius giggled and they burned minutes cuddling on the sofa, as sleep threatened to overtake their consciousness. After a couple of sweet nothings being exchanged between the love-birds, the older of the two finally sunk in an oblivion. When noticed Near smiled sincerely and left him to rest soundly, and scurried away as quiet as he could along the tumbled towers of dice and action figures.

He wanted moments like these, when he could breathe loosely from the stress of a detective and an emotionless robot for awhile and spend it with a man he loves most. When he could hang around peacefully in his room with no one to judge however he controls his toy pieces, and receive the right to ignore any cases or problems regarding typical, humanly mistakes, and he is indeed tired for this continuous sequence.

Near never failed to predict what's bound to happen even in different variables. His brain is inevitably in detective mode whatever will be the time or day, especially when it's something about matters he will never want to be done. With no further do, the now awake boy lingers around the room and arrives at Mello's pile beside the nightstand. He narrows his eyes at it, as if his neurons are smelling something fishy - and whatever that is, it stinks.

No rule or reasoning can put his resolution into a halt, but no one can know about this sensitive side of him - not even the chocolate lover. He digs up, starting with the red coat, and his hand travels between every hole and pocket. Near's logic tried its best to keep his emotions intact, however, Near's weakness is his instinctive trust that's never wrong.

The pocket on the left chest caught Near's attention, and he grabbed the contents - a box of cigarettes Rembrandt, and a piece of paper.

Cigars and a note.

Gears started tuning with each other and arguments and conclusions formed. He hoped, for the first time, that he didn't hit the nail on this one. No - maybe not. He blames Mello for turning his persona upside down. Old Near doesn't know how to be affectionate nor feel anything at all, and has always been alienated by warmth and the mere sense of touch. As of the moment, he let the remaining speck of his real existence overtake his soul of naivety.

He opens the thin sheet of material, and reads it in a split second, not even registering what it said, or rather, the pain.

"Hal." He kept his voice monotoned.

"Near?"

"Let's go to a toy store."

"...why?" She stepped closer at her superior in a confused stance. Near, just as usual, didn't spare a glance and repeatedly scrambled different puzzle pieces.

"I have nothing to play with." Hal stared at the mess on the headquarter floor and back to the 'child'. Didn't they just got from there two days ago? For the record, Near has some good budget for his little company and as far as she can recall, he spent fifty-nine dollars for the new puzzle. Hal heard herself sigh; utterly stupid, since no ideas pop up in her head on what Near is actually thinking and complaining about.

"We just bought a set."

"Well, if you've got anything better than petty kidnappings and pedophiles, perhaps I won't be burning hours getting every loophole figured in attempt to keep my cells from rusting. Your argument counters back to you, Miss." Near stated matter-of-factly.

"Alright, alright, I give up." She dialed frantically and commanded Rester to bring the vehicle over.

"...bring me to the 12th street shop, near Cafe Floris." Hal shrugged.

"That's almost named to be a red light district of the town, Near. Why not the one we annually go to?" She decided to pull the conversation. The woman noticed the slight hint of a venom dripping from Near's previous statement, and it can't be normally ignored. After talking on the phone, Hal muses over Near's actions lately. The albino has never been bothered so much that his aura affects the whole premises. His eyes weren't as lifeless.

He was never as hopeless.

"Seeing the same view over and over again bores me. I might see a product that can interest me. " Near clicks the pieces back to its place, and scatters everything on the ground after glaring at it for good two minutes.

"Is something the matter?"

"Nothing, of course."

His presence returned to its cold and robotic version, but the ice shards that seem to stab his unseen heart sent shivers to her spine.

The whole ride drenched in awkward silence, and even Rester relates in every peek he steals from the front mirror back to the two. Near didn't even twirl his hair, something must be keeping him preoccupied. Hal sighed deeply and dawned out of the window, somehow enjoying the carefree colors of the glimmering lights. Restaurants came into sight, as well as bars and mini clubs. Hal didn't even give a damn about Near's incomprehensible thoughts as she glanced at the man on the front seat and their eyes connected in silent understanding.

It's a new case.

The car pulled over just right in front of the door and Near stepped out hurriedly. Hal followed closely at the young genius heading towards the columns. Near looked interested in every matter he laid his eyes on, but Hal judged the way he glanced at the other side of the glass borders to the Cafe beside it. When he feels the tension, he backs a few meters away as if something has caught his attention. The blonde followed the direction of Near's sight back and forth and it's getting pretty obvious.

"Have you ever felt like someone has been staring at you from behind, modifying every movement you take? Uncomfortable, isn't it?" Near suddenly retorted.

"What are you waiting for, Near?"

"Nothing, really."

"Is it that guy?" Near shuddered at the inquiry. Near quickened his twirling pace and nervousness touched him for the first second.

"What about him?"

"Don't play dumb. I'm through with this crap. Did he do something to you? Are you doubting? Do-

"That's none of your business, and I believe that's not how you reply to your superior."

"I'm sorry... But it bothers me. What happened? Near, I've been working under you for years since the Kira case, and I could at least read if you've got a problem or not. " Halle gathered a great deal of courage to spit those words, and Near seemed to be quite surprised by it. A ghost of remorse passed by his eyes, but could be barely seen. Near did not reply, but remained standing still in his improper composure. The sun began to set and minutes felt like forever, and so she broke the eye contact for a moment to breathe. Bringing the game back to its resume, she gazed back at a wide-eyed Near, and she felt afraid.

Frightened beyond what she would expect.

His built-up world appeared to be falling apart around him, and she didn't move an inch, didn't look anywhere.

Tears - it can never flow from his eyes - but she could hear breaking sounds. An expression of pure fear was evident in both pair of eyes, but she couldn't tell if it's a dream or not. Near glanced at her, wearing his facade, perfectly void of emotions and pale-faced.

"I presume your answer waited long enough." Near passed by her, and it was freezing cold; like a sharp, thin air that wounded her arm.

Her eyes darted to the side, slowly getting bigger in every fraction. At the opposite side of the glass windows, there waits the answer in all of Near's questionable acts. She could feel the pain of betrayal Near must be hiding, from his lover - from someone he thought was buried beneath the past. But what really shocked her was..

Mello and Matt didn't even bother _stopping_, even if they both noticed consequences.

The temperamental blonde stood in front of the doorstep, inhaling a lungful of air before breathing out. There's nothing more to hide. He took a big step inside and banged the door, taking out his personal drug and eating it instantly like usual.

"Near?" He called out, somewhat nervous. He knew what he has been doing with his best friend - lover - and he didn't bother ending it. Now, should he regret it or not? Near, he must be breaking now.

At last.

"Near? Where the hell are you?" Mello's acting too normal, like he haven't known. Hours back, he was sure he saw fear and hurt in his eyes, but they continued their little staring contest without disturbance. Mello also remained ravishing Matt's lips. And Near analyzed and understood. Sheepy finally solved another case, but is that too easy for him to accept it?

"Mello." The first of the three ventured out of his room dragging a blanket. Mello could tell he's been crying, apparently certain with the bloodshot pupils and sniffling nose.

"What took you so long to get here?" It's no smart question. "Obviously, I was crying." Near pointed out.

"Why? Because you finally figured out that I have been cheating on you, Sherlock?" Mello smirked.

"No."

"Then why?"

"I'm pitying myself for wasting nine months of my life living with you. I've always known, Mello. Five months. Long enough for us, and long enough for both of you. Do you think my abilities vitiated?" He turned his back on the elder and allowed himself to be illuminated by the dim light. Truth be told, he would find out even without the note or that public scene.

Though what angered Near isn't everything that is currently happening.

He is pitying himself for being too human thrice in his life.

That brought him to tears and break down, just like Mello wished.

Silence filled the air, and Mello glared at the nothingness. He couldn't understand the notion of Near staying without means. His logic wouldn't allow that the Near he had met and loved, that is.

"You should have left then."

" '_You should have left'_ ?" The monotone and placid voice became hoarse and low, and Mello shuddered. Near turned and a tear involuntarily rolled down his cheek. He couldn't take it anymore. The hate, the anger, the suffocating love. He hated himself for feeling anything, he hated himself for falling for such a sinner, he hated Mello for hurting his weak heart and broke the walls that stood solidly around the beating organ.

No, he just can't take it. The pain - it feels familiar but new - and for the last time, for the last man, he let all of the bottled emotions break loose.

"Why do you think I stayed?! Is is that easy to say that...that...t-there should've never been us?! You hurt me, and...this all you say? You won't even kneel or apologize or at least say th-

"I still _love_ you?" Near burst into tears and fell on the floor. He remembered where all the familiar stabbing came from: the moment his father rejected him, and how his mother screamed that his existence was nothing but a mistake.

And he did consider that probably, probably - he should've never been born.

"..I-I know this relationship was somehow...forced because...all odds say we are not bound to be together...but can't you see? I defied logic and tried to go against the universe..."

_And I thought it would be the both of us._

"And...I actually thought that..."

_You love me. _

Near didn't look at Mello, or whatever expression he's wearing. He com entered his attention on the carpeted floor and told himself that it's not him to have this kind of emotional outburst. No - he could just simply say

"I'm leaving."

Near wiped the tears because no one could. He stretched his skin and dabbed on his eyes using his oversized sleeves, and he stood from the previous position and flattened the wrinkles of his clothing.

"I'm done packing, so no need to be bothered by the possibility of me being too noisy thrashing my necessities around. Also, I fixed the closet and your shirts are folded in the right section while the pants are on the left one." The detective placed his vision downwards, not looking up for a last memory.

He walked past the older man and could almost feel free from bond that he's been trying to maintain ever since when a strong grip overtook his senses.

_"No."_ It's more of a threat.

Near was abruptly pinned on the nearest wall by the blonde; panic and hormonal imbalance didn't make a good combination. Words are about to come out from the tip of his tongue when he felt a foreign sensation enter his mouth. Mello played with his bottom lip and forcefully opened his mouth, scarring Near's lip somewhere during the lapse.

Near protested and whimpered but in only tightened Mello's grasp. The young albino didn't expect this and he wasn't ready, but sapphire eyes pulled the strings of his heart as all it said was

Pain. Remorse.

_Don't go_.

"M-Mello ...no..."

Why?

_"I'm sorry...Near. But letting you go is not part of my plan_." Mello brought his lips back to the bruised ones, pained - but he doesn't regret it.

"Yeah? Hm...hang on there.." Mello snapped his phone shut and checked on his lover, admiring the sight. Pearl skin snuck out the sheets, over decorated by red and purple bruises. Near shifted uncomfortably, and Mello was there to hush him down.

"Mello?" The boy lifted the blanket and rose from his bed. His face, especially his lips and nape - are all adorned by marks left by Mello's kisses. The sadist he is, he smiled and stroked Near's cheek and placed a small peck on his forehead.

"Good morning." The atmosphere is just like their first night together.

"...morning." Near tried to rise with his lower half but a sudden surge of pain left him frozen. He grunted at the inconvenience and laid back down in the sea of fluff.

"Sorry...guess I was too rough last night. You don't need to move much today, I'll prepare you breakfast." He shuffled Near's crown before ending up in the kitchen, struggling to make pancakes and eggs.

It took Mello and hour or so to perfect the pancake mixture, but one of his problems were the eggs and the goddamned instructions on the stove. 'It doesn't make sense!' He started off with cracking the eggs but most of the whites burned on the floor instead. Near sighed and saw no future in this, and so he made his way to the stove and gave Mello a hand.

"Mello, you don't crack and egg from the top. That's simple logistics." Near held the egg and quickly dropped it on the pan.

"I told you not to get up!"

"I don't quite recall. Based on my understanding, it's my choice not to or to do so." Mello pouted and watched Near demonstrate most of it, not comprehending how Near is so efficient in doing these things.

"Hey Near. Back at Whammy's, you didn't even know how to kick a ball."

"People change, Mello." Near sighed. The man in a bob-cut didn't really like the sound of that, and compensated his dissatisfaction by wrapping his arms around on his 'lover's waist.

"What are you doing?"

"What? Is it bad to be sweet?" Near quieted down, and Mello waited for a response. He could feel him flinch underneath, though, and an unpleasant expression masked Near's features.

"Pretty much. Don't you have a lover?" Mello raised a brow.

"Who? Matt? " He chuckled deeply.

"Mello, not this time. Let go of me. " The much more capable of the two dawdled a meter from Mello in haste and annoyance. He scuffed and grabbed Near by the wrist, making him tumble back to his chest inevitably.

"I love him." Near struggled. He didn't let the heat in Mello's arms get the better of him. His heart torn open again by the words and he could imagine it bleeding from within. However, a sinister grin formed in Mello's lips, and he couldn't predict the blonde's motions anymore, or the way he sees things now, What's he's apparent of is

Mello doesn't find any fault on what he's doing.

_"But I love you even more..." _

In this relationship, someone's bound to get chained hardly.

"Near." Nothing.

"Near!"

"...may I help you?" Near produced a soft grunt.

"You've been in a daze for awhile now, and I've called you for more than twice. Is something wrong?" Halle glided on the rotating seat, glancing at the man behind her to prove her point.

"I'm simply thinking about the current case, just as usual. Nothing's the matter." Near picked a strand of hair and began twirling it, nervous of the fact that he hadn't ever since the day started.

"If you say so." Halle dropped it, but Rester couldn't.

"Near...the other day, there's a man that called, probably in his early twenties. He has the knowledge of your personal number in the quarters. He's looking for someone." Near received daggers of doubt and suspicion from the elder.

"Near, who did you give the number to?"

"...I don't feel obligated to tell you whom I put my trust on."

"Mello, isn't it? It is uncommon for rivals to act this way, but how do you know how a genii's mind work? Anyway, I do want to question how many people you put your dearest trust on, or rather, to who do your lover spill all your secret-

"Do not feel responsible of continuing a statement no one is interested in. You may go back to your own business - one that I pay you for, and stop meddling in a business you are not ordered to do so." Near held his pride firmly and gave an obscure stare. He felt a percentage of his being sink low and shameful with all the indifference he thought would fill the cracks of his dignity. It's the worst course of action and the most human reflex he's ever done - something L and Near himself has avoided before, which is to be satisfied in sightlessness.

The thought kept him awake and his hours restless, he could say it affected most of his people, and cause more instabilities. It bothered him dead and knocked his guts, like any person who feels guilty of lessening their expectations and impressions. It can't be happening, this can't affect him - but it's Mello.

And Mello feeds most of the emotions to his hallow soul.

He should end it, even if it hurts, it won't bring him down; it's a game.

A game he never thought Mello will willingly play with him.

_"Don't be blind, Near_. End it, like you always do." The words crushed him like nightmarish echoes.

Near fell on the bed, one in a million attempts he promised won't do so naturally.

He could feel his head pound multiple times and heat emitted through his pores, but then cold prickled his skin and his mind blurred in all possibilities and conclusions - technically forgetting the priorities of the moment.

He laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling like he was counting imaginary stars. The albino touched his stomach and travelled along his torso, feeling the prominent bones that creep him out. Monitored health famished, unpredictable outbursts and unusual behavior - all these proved how much the situation is putting him off his route, but he can't let this going on. Grasping the proofs with another hand: cigarettes, note, a picture and a ring for mockery - he walked out of his shared room with Mello and grabbed a scarf, not even bothering to wrap it around his neck completely.

It's been a year since he and Mello decided to live together, paying no mind on what they are supposed to be and had been for each other the past years like nothing happened. The blonde's identity almost buried beneath the history and started a beginning with his sworn and greatest rival as far as everyone could remember, like he ended up crashing in his enemy's place in the sole consequence by the depth he has completely fallen into. But it seems like passion cannot make up for the hatred and bottled up words both used to exchange everyday as they engage to their competitive battles. They can't combine further and drown in hopelessness arm to arm, they need to separate because they're clearly corrupting each other in a completely new level -

Black cannot taint white any more.

Or he will completely break.

The thoughts swung inside him and he slammed the door of the apartment open and practically ran down the staircase, getting all beet red by the chilly weather.

And then it was there, a way stronger evidence - the live people themselves embracing.

Mello held onto the redhead like there was no more tomorrow and pecked him ten times more than he does to Near, and passion - no, love - overflowed between them it scald the younger. That emotion lacked in them - they were deeply moved by lust and longing for disclosure, but it somehow stabbed him; tore him open but it no tear can be shed, as the fact that he held less of it than any normal human being and spared it when he's alone. No more wet, sticky, moist eyelids and throbbing pain because reality hit him hard :

Mello can never love him. He just wanted a home. That's all.

Knuckles turning white and breath hitching - it caught Mello. A pale, Sapphire eye looked up, widening in every second, but the pair of lips didn't halt. Finally, both completely noticed, and then there was this familiar silence: of knowing, of hatred, of sorrow, or peace.

Near didn't feel human, he felt nothing. Maybe it's the numbness - a partial or total lack of sensation in a body or general apathy, but it may be the result of continuous abuse he's too used to it.

How is it going to end?

"Is something the matter, Mello?" A familiar yet different tone asked, his eyes shifted from the blonde to the younger boy of his childhood memory, and back to his lover with a suspecting look.

Near didn't budge -he thought it all depends to Mello now. He's been acting quite stupid these past few weeks, waiting for the hints of guilt dropped by Mello, but perhaps he didn't want to confirm it himself either.

Mello, what will you do?

_With me, with Matt_ -

_Who was betrayed between us?_

"Near-

"It's nothing, Matt. Maybe this is not the kind of long-time-no-see greeting he would receive after five years, right?"

Near smiled.

_"...right._"

As long as I'm not the one being betrayed,

_I'm still number one._

**read if you dare :**

**Hi :) as you know, to clarify some stuff - it's been a year since Near and Mello started living together, and they started a relationship, but actually, Mello and Matt are lovers for the past five years until now and when he came back, Mello hid the fact that he cheated on Matt with Near ( but still, as twisted as it is, Near felt like Mello will love him more because he was not the one being betrayed and cheated, even though it's somehow the same - yup, he's completely broken ) this is a one shot where Mello is complete JERK. OKAY? YOU MIGHT HATE IT, THATS OKAY, IT'S MESSED UP, BUT I WARNED YOU. **


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